I’VE ‘had to’ do quite a lot of scoffing in the last couple of weeks. But never before have I actually had something bordering on a panic attack in a swanky London restaurant where I was faced with a menu that had absolutely NOTHING on there I fancied.

Goose, duck hearts, eel, something with squash covered in gorgonzola (pass the sick bucket) a WHOLE John Dory fish for the price of Tiffany bracelet, a lobster (add in the price of a necklace and a house as well), dry cured pork neck, venison tartare (so… raw then) I gulped in horror because none of those choices were even remotely doable.

There was just something on there I didn’t recognise so I asked what spaetzle was to find it was a sort of German egg pasta.

That’ll do. It turned out – luckily – to be delicious. And a lot lighter on the truffle than the menu suggested.

Hallelujah, I could schmooze and not vomit. Although I’m glad I wasn’t paying at twelve quid for a mince pie afterwards (which was a fancy-dancing tart thing made by a chef who was too clever for his own boots – on his own planet).

Not for me, that place. I am quite capable of holding a business meeting at a less ‘nouveau’ place with a burger on the menu.

But then I had to go to another establishment (poor me) that did have a burger on the menu. The trouble was, it was slathered in truffle..

As were the chips and the souffle (my usual favourite when plain but the chef had obviously got a cartload of the ubiquitous truffle in that needed using up).

The soup, the pasta, even the mash had truffle ‘dust’ on it. And my beloved sprouts. WTF!

Seriously – what is this new national obsession with it? And in the London restaurant if I had wanted white truffle on my spaetzle (not a euphemism) I’d have had to pay another £15 on top.

Anyway, my point being, if this truffle stuff is supposed to be exclusive, why do they stick it on so much?

It’s enough to keep me on the straight and narrow knowing that if I ever ended up in hell, the menus would be full of truffle-dusted duck hearts, eel and uncooked deer.

All I’ll say about the flu jab is that I’ve had mine and I’ve been living in a house full of males who have been spluttering and sneezing and snotting for ages and I haven’t caught it.

In previous years, before I did start taking it, I’ve ended up in hospital thinking I’d punctured a lung because I was in so much pain from coughing. So if you’re offered it, take it and save yourself from incapacity.

It’s my penultimate event for some time this weekend as next year I’m taking a bit of a break appearances wise.

I’ll be at Barnsley Book Vault on market street on Sunday between 11 and 12 for last minute book sales if you haven’t got my latest and know someone who would like one. Also – it does not feature any truffles.

Re last week’s post about the post, I’m not happy at present. Was expecting some handmade truffles (proper truffles ie chocolate) that have been made fresh so they can be refrigerated as soon as they land.

They were due on Friday. Then Saturday. Then I got a message to say ‘delivery would be reattempted on Monday before 5pm’. There wasn’t even an attempt never mind a reattempt, Royal Mail.

Can’t wait to see what state they land in. If they ever do! Sort out your problems FFS.

Our frontline posties are the ones getting it in the neck...